Couple Quick Things

Movie Review -
Garden State - Don't rent it... it's actually 'Scary Movie 3.'

Kidding. We went and rented 'Garden State' over the weekend. We had gone out to dinner, got home got ready for bed and I opened up the case to find - you guessed it - 'Scary Movie 3.' How disappointing. I felt like when Della Reese tells Fred Sanford in 'Harlem Nights' that her mouth was all ready for some orange juice and there was just a swallow left in the container (Sanford delivers a classic movie line here by saying "Well then, swallow it and shut the f___ up, bitch!" )

We did not watch the movie. I took it back, and got the real one... haven't watched it yet either.

How often does Sean Coombs (aka Puffy, aka Puff Daddy, aka P. Diddy, aka Diddy) change his name? Every time he feels his star fading. Try having this conversation:
"Hey, did he change his name?"
"No he just changed it."
"Did he?"
"Yeah, Diddy."
"That's what I just asked: Did he?"
"Huh?"
"Forget it."

All because a guy wanted to change his name to a childhood euphemism for 'urinate.' Was it worth it?

Is it raining in New Orleans?

The big story over the weekend was Katrina. The Category 5 hurricane heading straight for New Orleans. This is the biggest storm this town will have seen in its residents' lifetime. So big, they called for an evacuation of the city. It will be catastrophic and devastating when it is finished.

So, first - This was on the news all weekend, and there were massive amounts of people leaving. So what remained are the people lacking common sense. People who decided that evacuation just wasn't for them. I actually heard someone report that people there were sick of evacuating every year, and they just weren't going to do it. What kind of sense does this make? It's not like they are being told to do household chores - something that people get sick of doing. It's being suggested that they save their life. If they don't want to evacuate, then I suggest that they do it one more time, and then move.

One gentlemen decided he was staying because if it was his time to die, then it was his time to die... again, I don't dispute that everyone may have "their time," but at the same point, should you put yourself in harm's way to tempt it? "I'm going to dress as a deer and crawl around in the woods on opening day of hunting season. Don't worry, I will only get shot if it's 'my time.'" They were talking about a surge of over 20 feet of water, for a city already below sea level... just get out, man.

Then I heard analysis - and the most disturbing was this: They do not bury the deceased underground there. Because it it under sea level, and the ground could not handle it. So they have above ground crypts. With that type of surge and wind power, someone was talking about bodies - corpses -floating around, and actually eventually contaminating the water supply. Ew.

So, a Category 5 hurricane Katrina is heading for New Orleans, one that will devastate the city, probably produce a death count, even cause the currently deceased to be uprooted from their tombs. People are fleeing the city in thousands. There's only one thing to do: Send a weather correspondent and a camera man to stand in the middle of it.

This has to be one of the worst jobs ever. The topper of it all is they stick these people smack dab in the middle of a storm that was called "catastrophic," and everyone asks the same question: "What's it like?" This morning, while watching the news, one correspondent was standing in the middle of it; wind blowing so hard you could barely hear him; and was saying how the rain felt like thousands of needles hitting his face. Wow - that's painful... and someone made him go there.

And they end with "stay safe." Uh-huh. Now if anyone was really concerned about this guy's safety, they wouldn't have sent him there. Couldn't they have set up cameras around the place and have people comment on them from a remote location? "Look at that rain. Man, I'm glad I'm not in that."

Because that's exactly what I'm saying.

Shorts

It doesn't bother me that cartoon characters rarely change clothes.
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On Aug 12th, I opened up iTunes and decided I would listen to every single song I had. So I would play it while I was in my office working. Pause it when I left, but essentially it's playing for at least 6 hours a day. As of today (Aug 24th), I am maybe about 33% of the way through. I have a lot of freakin' music.
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I love my mother - but today my brother was IMing her about his cat and playfully made a statement that his cat had opposable thumbs (which, of course, he does not). To which my mom replied - what is that? . . . .i thought it was posable thumbs?

So then it starts
Adam says - posable, like modeling?
Jill: yes(?) . .. what are opposable?

All the while, Adam is copying these and IMing me so I can share in the fun.
So I said: she can't decipher "oppose" from that?
Adam says to me: i dont know. i dont even know how to respond

So I sent her the definition:
opposable - adjective (Zoology) 1. (of the thumb of a primate) capable of moving toward and touching the other digits on the same hand.

Then she asks me: how are you getting my im's to adam about posable thumbs?

That's my mom.
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It's 82 degrees outside, I'm in shorts and I have to wear a fleece in my office to stay warm.

grrrrrrrrrrr

Wow, did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Maybe it's because yesterday, I took a nap (which I rarely do) and then had a hard time sleeping last night - not getting to sleep well past 1:00am. Then I had to be at work at 7:00 this morning to help one of my trainers get ready for an 8:00 class.

Then I had to deal with my office nemesis... that's right - the copying machine. Every time I use it, I feel like Michael Bolton in "Office Space," and the fax machine (if you haven't seen the movie - go rent it. It's a classic). It just frustrating, but at the same time, there is not a thing you can do about it. Nothing. I mean the first copy I tried to make the thing literally started spewing the original pages into the air (I think some went behind the copier itself - hope they did need those pages).

The thing is old, and worn. For some reason it has numerous paper jams. Sometimes, it tells you there's a paper jam, when there is not one. My favorite - it doesn't collate automatically... so if you forget to press a button, then you end up with 200 pages of un-collated material.

So dealing with that first thing this morning has left me in a cranky mood.

Can I get a "hoo ha?"

I'm a geek

Yep. It finally happened. I made a joke the other day about computer terminology. I can't even remember the exact joke, but I know it had something to do with a hard drive and the storage space on it. Immediately after I said it I had a moment of introspection where I realized; I am a nerd.

Have you seen the commercial for "The Owl?" It's a magnifying device that is about the size of a credit card for people with bad sight. It even has a little light on one side. The commercial shows people using it for phone books and menus... Well, in it a guy says "now people won't make fun of me for not being able to see." Uh-huh. People won't make fun of you for pulling out this goofy gadget to see? Why not just get glasses? I mean, really. Is it so horrible to wear glasses - or even contacts - that someone would be willing to use this stupid device?

How bad of an idea is "Tommy Lee Goes to College"? This guy is like, 50... okay 40's. I just don't think anyone interested in watching a show where the guy needs an adjective in front of his name for people to know who he is; "Rocker Tommy Lee."

For a guy who religiously watched the "Dukes of Hazzard" when he was a young buck, I have zero desire to watch neither the movie remake, nor the reruns of the TV show.

I reiterate my argument for "Mega M&M's" as I did for the mini's. There's no need for them. The megas are bigger, but they are still small. They say "More Chocolate!" But a 16 oz. bag is a 16 oz. bag not matter the size of the candy. So - no point.

The fact that cartoon characters rarely - if ever - change clothes never really bothered me.

There are certain movies I won't watch on regular TV. Anything by Kevin Smith, Pule Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, South Park and any movie where drugs plays a large part of the humor. It's just not worth it to have the swearing bleeped out and the drugs taken out... then the behavior seems more ridiculous.

I love online banking. It makes things so much easier.

Can I get a "Hoo Ha" two times Tuesday?

If I Owned a Bar...

I decided today, that if I owned a bar I would name the establishment "Therapy."
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to Therapy."
"Oh yeah? Do you think it'll get your head straight?"
"Hope not..."

"What did you do last night?"
"I went to Therapy."
"How was it?"
"It was great, it was Ladies Night, and there was a Wet T-Shirt contest."
"Who is your therapist?"

You get the point...

On another note:

Ok, let's say that you are a fat, fat man. You put on a shirt. Uh-oh, your belly literally hangs out of the bottom of the shirt to the point your belly button is showing. What is the thought process after that? How do you justify to yourself that it's either okay, or not that bad?

You've seen one, right? I mean some of them aren't even that fat. The shirt is just too small for them. I can't imagine looking in the mirror and saying, "I don't think anyone will notice." I mean they have to notice themselves, don't they? How much shorter would it have to be before they don't leave the house?

This type of thing fascinates me. I know that there are people out there that wear odd clothing - and that's their style. If you are into something, then wear it, but something like this is a universal faux pas, yes?

Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm wrong. I just always though that the people who could get away with their shirts being short a) were female and b) did not have a belly that protrudes over their pants (by the way - both have to be true... I have seen overweight women with the same issue, and it's not attractive either).

There are somethings that I just find a tiny but frightening... this is one. Another is people who stare just a little too much.

Do you remember?

Seeing at least one of the original Star Wars flicks in the theater.

13 Channels & UHF

Pong

"Dukes of Hazzard" the television show

President Reagan getting shot

President Reagan

"Pac Man Fever"

"Hellloooo! McFly!"

Owning a Ghostbusters T-Shirt

'Fore!'

Mary Lou scores a 10!

Jordan hitting a jumpshot to win the championship.... The NCAA Championship

The first Air Jordans

Seeing the first huge Super Bowl commercial by Apple that was only shown once on television - ever.

Owning a record of Michael Jackson's Thriller

Tainted Love

Jams

Christa McCollough

Borg vs. McEnroe

Black and White TV

New Coke

Owning a VCR with a wired remote control

No Remote Control

John Lennon shot

Richard Pryor burned freebasing cocaine

Michael Jackson burned from a Pepsi commercial

Coleco-vision

One For the Thumb

If you remember any of these things - Think about the year the event happened. Was it that long ago? Doesn't seem like it does it? You are getting old. If you have extensive interaction with someone who does not remember any of these - multiply that feeling by 10.

National Holiday

Today is the day that officially marks the return of football.

It's not reporting to training camp (Aug. 1st). It's not the first preseason game. It's not even the Hall of Fame induction or the Hall of Fame Game (first Monday night game). It is the release of the latest Madden football video game from EA Sports.

Any sports gamer marks this day on their calendar, and waits. Some even feel it should be a national holiday. A time for people - Madden Gamers - to have a day off work and organize their franchise for the upcoming season. These is a little setup that you need. A little time to explore new features.

So, I may wait until the end of the week to get this gem. Otherwise, I would be up all night tonight and not make me too productive tomorrow. I need to have the proper allotment of time to devote to it.

On the other hand, it IS Madden. And it IS Madden-Day. So, I will wrestle a little further today.

By the way, I am 30.

Are you awake?

Everyone has it happen. They get asked the question that need not be asked - such as "are you awake?"

The other day I was working with newly hired people. I often have my laptop with me and use it frequently. I also talk about my wife some at work. Anyway, I am working along and this guy walks up and asks me a question. I then began searching my computer for the answer. To do this, I minimized all of my windows. My wall paper is of me and my wife kissing at our wedding ceremony. The guy sees this and then asks, "Is that your wife?"

There were probably 5,000 sarcasting comments that whizzed through my brain:
"Nah, just some woman I rented for the day"
"Heck no, she's the 'stunt double.'"
"(sob) not anymore"
"one of 'em"
"what gave it away? the white dress? damn!"
"At that point? Just barely."

Yet, all I could muster was a blank, yet quizzical look. But I think he got my point anyway.

Buuuurrrrrnnnn

Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh.

grrrrrr.

booooo.

Work. Ack. Ick. Ptooey.

Man, work is beating me in the head right now. I've had a rough couple days. I am a manager of a training department. The thing about this is that I have learned about a couple clients, which technically qualifies me to train these clients. I used to train many classes for a variety of clients. But, that's not really my job now. However, for the past few months, I have found myself in the classroom more than I think I should be. Now that - in and of itself - is not what is stressful or difficult. What's particularly hard is that I am expected to train these classes and at the same time, complete all of my management duties. This makes for very long days.

I get at least 5 requests for different pieces of information a day - as a manager. Things that I could do efficiently and effectively under normal circumstances. But now, I can check my email perhaps 4 times a day - due to the class work. This means that most often I am left during class beaks and lunch trying to scrounge up information or complete certain tasks. Those breaks and lunches add up to an hour and a half. So the things get backed up and pile up. I am putting more hours in at home than I used to. I am prepping for class, and going in much earlier and leaving later... I don't mind doing this on occassion, but it is fast approaching a number of months that I have been doing this and I feel like any moment, I may crash.

No one seems to acknowledge that I am training classes. And it leaves me frustrated. At times I feel like I am trying to do the job of 3 or 4 people. My paper work is so backed up it would take me a week to catch up... I mean, a week uninterrupted - but when does that happen?

I should now say that I do like my job. I take a significant amount of pride in my work, and it will all get completed and at some point I can go back to just being a manager - but for now, I am so burned out that I wake up tired, I am ready to go to bed when I get home (though I can't I have to prep) and there is little time to actually do anything, or spend it with my loved one...

I vent to my wife everyday. She is so good at listening (or at least pretending to listen), that if I didn't have that outlet - I would drive myself nuts.