Rants for the Bored

Ok, ok - enough of the wedding posts here. Let me get back to some random thoughts of the last couple weeks.

Fogle You
There's a group of new Subway commercials with our favorite former fat-boy, Jared. In each he says something like "Here's something you won't find at Burger King, Wendy's and McDonald's..." Then he goes on to say something stupid like "Subway doubled their menu by allowing you to get each sub toasted." I'm sorry, but toasted bread does not make a sandwich taste different enough to claim that it's a different sandwich. That's just plain stupid.

That's like McDonald's saying that they have doubled their menu by allowing you to get a burger with BBQ sauce. Which, in my opinion, is a larger taste difference than toasted bread.

On kind of the same note - he ends the commercials by saying "And here's another thing you won't find at Burger King, Wendy's or McDonald's... me." Like I care. Like I give a flying fig where Jared eats. Trust me, his fat ass would be in McDonald's if his Subway contract didn't forbid it. How can he consider himself soooo important that people will actually not go to McDonald's because Jared doesn't go in there. What makes him think that anything he does has any effect on me whatsoever! "Well, if Jared the former fat guy isn't going, then I shouldn't either."

Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.

Is it possible that I have put too much effort into not liking this guy?

Names
Bennifer. I guess that was kinda clever the first time I heard it. Then after the next 20,000 it got less and less clever. The best thing to come out of it was Ben Affleck's monologue on SNL making fun of it (Boprah... Mary Kate and Ashfleck... hee hee).

Now the entertainment media is out of control with name amalgam madness! Now we have TomKat for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. That whole thing is wrong on many levels, but the name itself is unforgivable. But at the very least those names went together, I mean they are now engaged. Recently I saw "Brangelina" for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. What the hell? I don't think they're even together (not that I care). Do people have to be reduced to one name? Is it a timesaver? Or is it a stupid ass gimmick? My vote is for the latter. Hey, I think I will change me and Rachael to Trenchael. Adam and Kelly can become Adelly, and Ryan and Renea can become Rynea.

This is neither cute, nor funny. It actually, physically, hurts me.

Pizza
The other day I over heard someone ordering a pizza. Obviously, he was trying to gauge the difference in quantity between the different sizes. So I hear "So how many slices are in a medium? Eight, huh? Ok, now how many slices in a large? Uh-huh... so how many in an Extra Large? Eight?" I wanted to yell at him THEY ALL HAVE EIGHT SLICES!!! The size of the slices is what's different. I mean really, I think most people know that round pizzas are all cut the same way. A 'slice' is not a unit of measurement, and shouldn't be treated as such. If it were a unit of measurement, my brothers and I would not have fought over the 'big slice.' But then again we did fight over the "bigger half" - so that shows you how much we knew.

Contests
Am I the only person who has a drawer full of soda bottle caps telling me that I won something (most often: another bottle of soda) that will probably never be redeemed? I wonder If I can sell them for a quarter. Then again, a) it would take too much effort to do that and b) I would probably use the money I made on soda... and then it makes less sense.

Saddam Hussain
Last week 2 soldiers who guarded Saddam Hussain went on a few interviews and told about how Saddam liked Dorito's and seemed like a 'regular guy.' The media couldn't get enough of this.

I don't know if people have seen too many movies or what, but doesn't it make sense? I mean, it's not like Saddam is going to sit there and talk about evil, or ruling the world. If he wanted companionship and conversation, that would not have been in his best interest. So just for a little socialization, he acquiesced to more normal conversation. Does the media think he was in his cell yelling "YOU WAIT AND SEE, I'LL GET YOU ALL! A HA HA HA HA HA!"?

Then there are the Dorito's. First off, they are tasty. Again - I think the media was shocked that Saddam had 'human' characteristics. I don't know what the expectation was here either. Did they think that he would just eat bat heads and drink blood? I don't know what they expected him to eat or like eating. And the Dorito's now are "Nacho Cheesier," so... I mean... who wouldn't like that?